Grow A Memory Garden

One summer, when I was home from college, I worked at a local plant nursery. In the spring, nurseries fill up with all the spring-blooming perennials, like peonies. And I was shocked! Peonies were the most requested flower at the nursery, and as a broke college student, I couldn’t understand why the most expensive perennial there was also the most sought after.

A few years later, I started to understand people’s love of peonies when I experienced my first June at my mother-in-law’s house. She had a row of peonies lining her driveway, and it delighted me how she would float the blooms in clear glass bowls around her house. The flowers were so captivating, and I began to truly appreciate their beauty. Her dark magenta peonies were one of the first things that drew me in, and I knew that someday I wanted to plant peonies at my own home.

Last week, my mother-in-law moved from the home she had lived in for 51 years to a house her sons built for her. She had been living on 17 acres on a hill and had experienced a few scares with falling over the last couple of years.

About a month ago, she asked me how hard it would be to move some of her peonies to her new home. I told her I would come dig some up for her this fall. We were at her house on Saturday cleaning up the yard and decided to take care of the peonies right then. Michael and I divided every other peony and ended up with almost 20 plants. We saved several for my mother-in-law and then started asking my sisters-in-law if they wanted any of her peonies.

One of my sisters-in-law immediately got in the car and drove over to pick up her peony roots. She was so excited to get some that would always remind her of her mother-in-law. While chatting with her, she said something that I can’t stop thinking about: “I feel like my garden is a memory garden. I have pieces of plants from my mom, some neighbors, you, and now these peonies from our mother-in-law. Everywhere I look, I’m reminded of people that I love.”

That got me thinking about my own garden and the flowers I’ve chosen to plant. I planted aquilegia because it reminds me of my Grandma Lois (I also planted a peony called ‘Lois’ Choice’ for her). I have specialty daylilies from my aunt’s garden. I planted roses because some of my garden friends encouraged me to get over my fear of them being high-maintenance and just enjoy their beauty. I keep growing dahlias because my oldest son says they’re his favorite flower. And I planted my first six peonies along the sidewalk to my front door because my mother-in-law had peonies lining the driveway to her house.

I had never made the connection before, but so much of what I’ve planted around my home is because of people I love. And it’s true that as I walk around my garden, admiring the blooms, each one holds a memory for me.

What if that was how we planned our gardens? Not just by color or perfectly placed plants, but because they remind us of special people in our lives. Gardening already teaches us so much that it becomes woven into our lives in ways that are hard to separate—the lessons we learn in the garden often mirror the lessons we learn in life.

What if we went a little deeper and filled our gardens not only with lessons but also with flowers that hold memories of the people we love? Then, as we walk through our gardens, our hearts would be full of love, and we could share those memories with our children, continuing the tradition of growing gardens not just for the flowers, but for the memories.

If you want to plant a memory garden too, here are a few tips to help:

1. Do a perennial trade with friends or family. Perennials can be easily divided and shared! Host a perennial trade with people you love. Or offer to come divide some of their perennials for them. 
2. Start making a list of people you’d like to honor and the flowers or plants that remind you of them. Maybe it’s lilacs for your grandma, tulips for a favorite aunt, or sunflowers for your kids because they make you smile.
3. Visit The All American Peony Society and look up what peonies were registered in the year each of your kids were born and plant a peony for them. Plant one for you and your husband too to make your own peony family!
4. Ask your kids what their favorite flowers are! They will be excited to help plant flowers they love and to watch them grow.
5. Plant flowers for your garden friends. If you have a group of garden-loving friends (and if you don’t, I highly recommend starting one), pay attention to the flowers they share. I never would have started planting roses if it weren’t for some of my flower-loving friends. Adding a plant that reminds you of them is such a sweet way to celebrate those friendships.

Remember, you don’t have to plant all these flowers at once. Growing a memory garden takes time. Choose a spot each year where you would like to add special memory flowers. As you plant each flower, take a moment to remember the person it represents. Over time, your space will grow into a beautiful reflection of your life and the people who have shaped it.